


(Even If It Hurts) I'll Be There When You Need Me

by nicotinewrites



Series: My Brother [3]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with an happy ending, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Gets a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has PTSD, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Has Panic Attacks, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders-centric, Brotherly Bonding, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders Being Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Deceit | Janus Sanders Has PTSD, Fluff, Food, Gen, How Do I Tag, I edit as I go, I tried to write pure fluff and this happened, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm so sorry, M/M, Minor Character Death, One Shot, Platonic Relationships, Protective Deceit | Janus Sanders, Suicide Attempt, again not explicit, be careful folks, but it's not explicit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-18
Updated: 2020-08-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 02:48:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25976212
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nicotinewrites/pseuds/nicotinewrites
Summary: Virgil was the suffering-in-silence type. Good job he has a family who he can lean on, even if he doesn't want to.(The first part is set two years before IHATTLTWO; Second part is three weeks later; Third is during YAMS- the Demus argument happened and they've made up; the forth is a year later; the fifth is a couple months after that; the sixth is three years after the fight scene in IHATTLTWO- You probably want to read the first two installments before this one).
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Dot (Cartoon Therapy), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Logic | Logan Sanders, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Phaedra Marisol Borrasca (OC), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders & Thomas Sanders, Brotherly Anxceit, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Deceit | Janus Sanders, Dot (Cartoon Therapy) & Phaedra Marisol Borrasca, Platonic Anxceitmus, platonic anxceit
Series: My Brother [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1798528
Comments: 6
Kudos: 37





	(Even If It Hurts) I'll Be There When You Need Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone!  
> This is the first part of the third installment. I know I said it would be pure fluff, but this is me we're talking about. I don't do pure fluff.  
> Trigger warnings:  
> Talk of Parental Abandonment  
> Ableist Prick;  
> Negative Thinking;  
> Verbal Abuse (Past- I think it counts);  
> (brief and small) Panic Attack;  
> Food;  
> Suicide Attempt;  
> Death of Loved One;  
> Swearing;  
> Aftermath of Death;  
> Therapy;  
> Remus Being Remus;  
> Swearing;  
> Death threats.  
> Happy reading  
> Ash x  
> (P.S- chapter title and part breaks from Even If It Hurts by Sam Tinnesz)

_You blink once, then it's gone_  
_Don't let it take the skin from your bones_

It was a bad day. Virgil sometimes got them, his mental state so bad he didn’t even have energy to leave his bed and change his clothes. All he could do was relive his past mistakes and ruminate on the what-ifs. Today was worse than usual though, his brain making him relive his Dad’s abandonment and the awful words he flung at him.

He knew Rae and Mama wouldn’t want him to punish himself the way he was, but Virgil truly believed he deserved it. He was the reason his sister grew up with barely any memories of their Dad, after all. He was the reason his father left, claiming that he couldn’t deal with Virgil’s anxiety and deafness anymore (as if it was _Virgil’s_ fault he was the way he was). He was the reason Mama filed for a divorce and met Mr Sanders- not that he had anything against Mr Sanders, except from the fact that imagining Mama with anyone other than his Dad made him feel a little sick- because he couldn’t do his one role properly and protect the people he loved the most.

Sure, Dad leaving when Virgil was seven was shitty, but he understood it. He didn’t like that Rae was only five when he left- the thought filled him with a lot of anger, actually- but he understood why his dad didn’t want to be around him. He was a leech. A good-for-nothing leech who drained the life out of everyone he cared about until they were soulless husks. At least, that’s one of the things Dad said before he left. 

It didn’t help that Rae got an invitation to their dad’s wedding but he didn’t. It was bad enough that he walked out on Virgil for good four years ago, with no contact afterwards. It was bad enough that Mama had to get two jobs just to cope with raising himself and Rae. It was bad enough that he felt betrayed, stabbed in the back and then left to bleed. But not being invited to his own father’s wedding when Rae was? That was the cherry on top of a fucked up ice-cream sundae.

Of course Virgil was happy that Rae could go to the wedding. He was ecstatic almost. His sister got to lay the foundations for a father-daughter relationship, something she didn’t have before Dad left. It just hurt that Virgil wasn’t included in it.

“Hey Vee. Want… hug?”

Rae’s words broke Virgil out of his thoughts. Wordlessly, he opened his arms and Rae ran into them. Her black bird-nest of hair tickled Virgil’s nose as he held her tightly, her presence slightly easing the pain inside of him. It almost always did. Their relationship wasn’t perfect by any means, but the two of them loved the other deeply.

“Dad fucked …, didn’t he?”

“Lupita!” Virgil said, trying to supress a chuckle or an agreement. No need to encourage her. “Where did you learn that word?”

“I’m nine, V. I’m not … nun.”

“You sound like Abuelita. We should get you some wire-framed glasses, a perm, danglers and a red floaty dress. You’ll be a mini-her.”

Rae moved away from Virgil’s arms to flip him off, the boy giggling. It wasn’t really that funny, but being around his sister eased that heavy weight on his chest. There weren’t many people who could make Virgil laugh- or even smile- but Rae almost always managed to. For once, Virgil allowed himself to stop worrying about the wedding and his self-worth, and instead enjoy the time spent with his sister.

No matter what life threw at them, together the two of them could face anything life shoved their way.

**--**

 _Y_ _ou don't need to do this alone_  
_No you don't_

It was the day of the wedding. In Pearlham, a small town with a beautiful old church in the middle of a forest, the excitement was palpable. The townsfolk were ecstatic with the idea of Miss Alma Kaperwick- arguably the best teacher in all of Pearlham- finding love and getting married. Sure, the man in question wasn’t exactly a prince, but he seemed to love Alma with all of his heart. And that’s all the people of Pearlham could ask of him.

The whole town was in a festive mood, fairy lights strung to trees outside of the church and fireworks being released into the sky. Everyone- especially the couple- were filled to the brim with happiness, negative emotions nowhere in sight.

At least this was the case in Pearlham. Elsewhere, in a slightly larger town called Cragsmoore, the mood was indifferent at best and depressed at worst.

Virgil’s smile felt fake even to him. He had been feeling low since Rae got her invitation, Lo noticing and forcing him to talk about it. He felt a bit better after their conversation, but now that the day of the wedding was here? The weight of emotion on his chest felt like a heavy foot smashing it into smithereens. He didn’t want to get in the way of Rae spending time with her- … their- dad though and shoved the feelings down. This was a dream of Rae’s and Virgil wasn’t going to ruin it just because _he_ wanted Dad in his life too.

Rae ran down the stairs, hair in double braids and clad in a knee-length dark purple dress- her favourite colour. The grin on her face was infectious and Virgil’s smile became a little more genuine. Mama walked down besides her, gently scolding Rae for running down the stairs.

“Lo siento Mama. Te quiero.”

“Mmhmm. Don’t look at me when you’ve sprained your ankle because you fell down the stairs again. I’ll just say I told you so.”

Rae and Virgil shared a look with each other, both trying hard not to laugh. Mama rolled her eyes, a fond smile on her lips.

“Right, lupita. You better get a move on or you’ll be late. Larry should be here anytime soon.”

A car pulling up to the drive happened soon after, Rae moving to put her shoes on and grabbed her bag- checking to see if her epipen was there. She gave Virgil a massive hug and then kissed Mama on the cheek, sprinting out of the door and into the car. Deceit got out of the car afterwards, a duffel-bag over his shoulder. He walked into the house and removed his shoes before smiling at Mama, giving her a kiss on the cheek. Virgil waved his sister goodbye, smile etched on his face. The minute the car pulled out though, the smile faded. Those feelings of being less than and not good enough swept back into Virgil’s head, the negative voices yelling until they’re all he could hear.

“Hi ……. Virgil. ……………………….”

“It’s no problem. ………… do I have to tell you? Call … Dot. …………… mother.”

Deceit nodded, smiling a little. Virgil played with his hoodie sleeves, having no clue what they were talking about but not wanting to make a big deal out of it. Asking people to repeat stuff was bad enough. Asking his potential step-brother/leader of the “bad-kids” at his school? Even worse.

“Well, … don’t …… make your way into the living room? Your Pops tells me you like horror, Janus. That’s a good thing because … kids … I love it too. You can choose whichever movie you want as long as it isn’t an … one and I’ll get snacks. Tostones with aji and churros with champurrado, yeah nene?”

“Yeah. Do you want me to help at all…?”

“No, …… silly. Go … Janus …… him how to operate the tv.”

Deceit could do everything on his own and they both knew it, but Virgil didn’t argue. He knew that tonight was supposed to be bonding-night/taking-his mind-off-the-wedding-night. He guessed it couldn’t hurt. After all, if Mama and Mr Sanders did get together, it would be awkward if Rae, himself and Deceit acted like perfect strangers.

Virgil made his way into the living room with Janus, wringing his hands and playing with his hoodie. The thoughts were so loud and he couldn’t stop them. They kept yelling that he should just go upstairs because no-one wanted him there, just like they didn’t want him at the wedding. It was true though, wasn’t it? His own father refused to invite him and for what? For being deaf? For having depression and anxiety? For once having a speech impediment so bad he signed for the first eight years of his life? Maybe the thoughts were right. He should go hide under his covers until everything went away and he didn’t make as many mistakes as he was already making and-

“Virgil, … you breathe … for four please? That’s it. Hold for seven. You’re doing really good. Release … eight. Let’s repeat again, yeah?”

The voice was right next to his ear and he could just about hear everything it was saying. The fog in his head made him unable to pick out who’s voice it was until the eleventh repetition of the exercise, when he could hear the suave (and slightly accented) voice. Shit.

“I did- didn’t m… mean to… I-I’m sorry-“

“Virgil, shut up. You panic anymore … we’ll be right where we started. You don’t … to apologise for having panic attacks. If anyone tells you …, make like Marsha P. Johnson and pay them no mind. Or, alternatively, tell me and I’ll fuck them up.”

“You don’t need to do that Deceit-“

“Dee. We’re not quite close enough for you to call me Janus, but we’re closer than you calling me Deceit. So, Dee. Now that … got that out of the way, what do you … watch? Annabelle is out of … question, so how about Rosemary’s Baby?”

“Yeah, Mama loves that one. Can we watch Carrie, Society and The Exorcist afterwards?”

“Sure. As long …… don’t hide behind the sofa during Exorcist like you did during Pyscho.”

“I won’t. Swear on it.”

Needless to say, Virgil did spend most of Exorcist behind the couch or with his hood up and hearing-aids out. He was still angry at his Dad and a little sad that he wasn’t invited, but he knew he would get through it. With his family by his side, he could get through anything

**--**

_Even if it's razor deep_  
_I'm not giving up_

Rae died two weeks ago. Virgil still couldn’t come to terms with it. No, he refused to come to terms with it. His baby sister- his beautiful, amazing baby sister- would never grow up to have her own family. She’d never grow up to see her dream of opening a dressmakers come true. She’d only be remembered as a bubbly twelve-year-old, hugged by Death before her time.

The funeral was a small affair. Rae’s best friends- Valerie, Quill, Percy and Missy- were there, their families with them. Lo and Thomathy came too, their mom giving Mama a massive hug. Both Mr Sanders and Dee were sat at the front with Virgil and Mama, Dee wordlessly giving him a handkerchief when he started sobbing. Even Dad and his new wife were there, sitting at the back of the church. If it was any other time, Virgil might have described the church itself as beautiful, a small building nestled in the woods near Cragsmoor. If it was any other time, Virgil might have found peace in the way Mr Sanders was there for Mama during the whole event. If it was any other time, Virgil may have been glad that him and Dee were starting to get on a little more. But it wasn’t any other time. Virgil didn’t deserve to have peace or feel glad. He deserved to be in her shoes instead. It was his fault she was dead.

If he had gotten to her epi-pen quicker, she would still be alive. She left it at home, exactly fifteen minutes away from the restaurant. By the time he got to her, she was having her last breath. He was meant to be the big brother; he was meant to be the protector. What kind of protector was he if he let one of his most important people die?

He deserved to hurt. He deserved to be punished for what he did, but nobody else shared the same mentality. No-one blamed him, saying he couldn’t have known any better. But he could have. He should have. Rae was his sister and he failed her. If no one else wanted to punish him, he would.

It was why he was currently in the hospital, arm having to be cleaned after his attempt. Dot was devastated- Virgil didn’t know, though, as he was unconscious- crying over his body. The threat of losing her last child was right there and she hated it. She knew it wasn’t her fault, but she was Virgil’s mother. She was meant to have a sense for when her son was hurting. But she didn’t and now she refused to leave his bedside, only moving when either Larry, Selene or David (the latter two being Logan’s parents) forcefully removed her from the hospital. The four took turns watching over Virgil and the Croft’s own children. Logan occasionally came to visit Virgil but didn’t that often, their parents arguing that it wouldn’t be good for their mental health. Dot agreed with them, not wanting any of this to have a lasting negative effect on them. She knew Virgil wouldn’t want that.

Virgil got a lot of guests and gifts. Logan’s cousin, Remy, came over sometimes, talking about all the gossip he missed from not being at school. Emile went with her/him/them (Dot never knew which pronoun she should use when the sassy kid wasn’t in the room), offering Remy a hug when she/he/they started crying. Logan’s little brother, Thomas, wasn’t allowed to visit but made Virgil so many pictures. It warmed Dot’s heart a little, seeing Thomas trying to cheer Virgil up even if he wasn’t able to see him himself. Valerie and Percy often came around to say hello. They didn’t stay for long but they talked to Dot and kept her company as the heart monitor steadily beat in time. Quill and Missy didn’t visit as often but when they did, they brought baked goods for Dot, Larry and Janus, Missy hugging Janus as he cried on her shoulder one time.

Janus was always there. He left the room less than Dot did, acting like a guard dog and protecting Virgil at all costs. She didn’t have a problem with that since Janus was the one who found Virgil, phoned the ambulance and wrapped up his arm. Janus was the reason her son was alive and that was a gift Dot could never give up. The only thing Dot had an issue with was the fact he was missing school every day, but Dot knew it wasn’t her place to tell him to go. Maybe one day it would be but not now. She wasn’t Janus’s parent and she’d never want to replace his maman- Larry told her the story of what happened that night, and oh what a tragedy that was- so she closed her mouth and made sure he caught up with the schoolwork the chaotic Archelaus twin- Remus, Dot thought they were called- brought to him, more subdued than Dot had seen them before (which was getting to be more often, now that the tension had been eased after their argument- Dot didn’t know much but did know Larry had his work cut out, doing long country drives almost every day for two weeks).

Janus was there when Virgil woke up- no surprise really- curled up on a chair next to him. Dot was there too and rushed over to her son’s side.

“Hey nene. Can you remember what happened?”

Virgil hesitated for a second then nodded, visibly drawing in on himself.

“I’m so, so sorry,” he signed, hands shaking. “I was just so depressed and still am- but that’s not the point. I thought that I didn’t deserve a happy ending because I failed in protecting lupita. What kind of brother am I if I don’t do my job? A terrible one, is the answer. So I decided to remove myself from the equation.”

“You’re a fucking idiot, you know that V-i-r-g-i-l-i-u-s? You don’t deserve to die just because P-h-a-e-d-r-a did. I get what you’re feeling. I truly do. I felt the same way when M-a-m-a-n died. But you can’t let it control you. You have a life that’s woth life-i-n-g, even if it doesn’t fell like it right now. You just need some support to help you understind that.”

Dot nodded.

“You mean…”

“Yes nene. I know you don’t want to go to therapy, but you don’t get a choice anymore. You need to get help and I can’t lose my other child, ok? This is final. No arguments. Sorry nene.”

Virgil sighed, left hand coming up to gently pinch the bridge of his nose in frustration. Then he released it.

“Ok. I’ll do it. But if I still don’t like it after eight sessions, can we try something else?”

“If that’s what it takes to get you to agree then yes. You’ve got to actually go to the sessions though. No sneaking off like last time.”

“Deal.”

**--**

_How long will it take_  
_For you to lean on me_

Therapy always tired Virgil out. He’d been going for almost three years now, Emile’s cousin Nate being his therapist. Their sessions were every two weeks and though he’d never admit it, Virgil kind of enjoyed it. It was almost… therapeutic (Patton would crack a smile at that. He sure loved dad jokes).

Over the three years of Virgil going to therapy, he had a few breakdowns, mostly due to Rae. He realised now that her death was not his fault. Nate managed to get him to go to the restaurant where she died as a way of moving on. At first, it was extremely hard. Just seeing the cheery front made Virgil want to curl into a ball and never leave his room again. Nate, Virgil and some of his support network (Mama, Larry, Janus etc) came with him each time, letting him cry as he saw the restaurant. Eventually though- around three months later, Janus and Remus dragged him inside, the rest “gay gang” (a Remus Original TM that was pretty accurate) behind them. They sat at a table in the back. The others ordered food- Lo, Roman and Patton sharing a big sundae, with Patton trying to feed Virgil, Janus and Remus having fries and Remy and Emile going for a pizza- but Virgil couldn’t bring himself to eat anything other than one small scoop of ice-cream (and only because Patton teared up when he said no). He kept seeing Rae everywhere he looked. This was their favourite restaurant ever since they moved after all. Going there without her just felt wrong.

A month after that was just with Lo and Janus. Janus drove them in, having got his license a few weeks ago, and Virgil and Lo were in the back, Lo holding Virgil’s hand. The racing heart Virgil got took his mind off the destination for a short while, something Lo probably wanted to do. Janus was singing along to the music playing in the car- the band was apparently a cross between the Beatles, Tim Burton, MCR and the Three Stooges- the blistering guitar soothing Virgil’s worries even more. Despite that, the calmness created was shattered the minute they drove up to Casie’s Diner.

“You ready, Virge?”

Virgil took a deep breath and nodded. He stepped out of the car and shoved his hands in his pockets.

“We’ll be … the river if you need us yeah? Don’t have worry to call us if you need to.”

Virgil’s lips twitched at Janus’s phrasing. His brother sometimes forgot how to speak English in the English way, and mixed up the phrasing with other languages he knew.

“Yeah. See ya.”

Virgil made his way in, seeing Valerie as soon as he got to the waiting area. It was just her this time, Nate not wanting to rush him into talking to all Rae’s friends at once. Besides, Valerie was the one who Virgil knew he needed to clear the air with.

“Hey Valerie. Shall we?”

The meal itself was a little awkward, but neither was worried about that. The last time they properly saw each other was when Virgil was in hospital, all those years ago. The time after that was in ninth grade… That was when she confronted him for letting Rae die. It almost sent Virgil back into the hospital, or worse. If the police officer hadn’t caught him… Virgil didn’t want to think about it.

They small-talked for a while, catching up with the gossip and all that afterwards, until Valerie finally said what was obviously on her mind.

“I don’t blame ……… for Rae’s death. Not …, anyways. I did at first, but only because you were the only one I could blame without blaming myself. I just wanted to let you know.”

Virgil stared at Valerie, not really knowing what to say.

“I… That means a lot. Thank you.” He hesitated for a moment and then spoke. “Mama’s having a summer party next week, if you want to come. It’ll just be me, Jan, Mama, Larry, my friends, Thomas and some of Mama’s friends. I think Quil is coming too. The invite’s open if you want.”

“I’d love that.”

**--**

_I've got no regret_

_Cause if I could I'd do it over again_

“Just ask ... out already!”

“Absolutely not!”

“Why? They’re hot … you’re emotionally- and actually- horny for them. Make like Shia LeBeouf … just do them.”

“Jan, please tell Remus to shut up.”

“Love, … doing what you’re doing.”

Virgil launched a pillow at Janus’s face. Janus caught it and smacked Virgil in retaliation, pushing him onto his back. He took one look at Remus’s face and groaned.

“Don’t you- oof.”

Remus launched himself onto Virgil, moustache tickling his neck.

“……, Virge. You really should ask Lo out. I’m sure they’d say yes, and if they say no, they wouldn’t end their friendship … you just because. They’re not like that. It’ll be as easy as putting one’s fingers up one’s nose… That’s a French idiom isn’t it?”

The other two nodded and Janus groaned, flopping down next to Virgil.

“………hard,” Janus said, voice muffled. Then he realised his mistake and sat up, looking at Remus.

“Don’t you da-“

“Just …your dick was for me last night.”

“Remus I swear to God.”

Remus’s cackling was cut off by Janus shoving him off Virgil and onto the floor.

“Honestly, you take the head at times Remus. … love you, but still.”

Remus raised an eyebrow at Janus.

“I take … head, do I? I … to remember that you’re the one who took it last night.”

“That’s it, get the fuck out of my room. Go, you gremlin-trash-rat-hybrid.”

Remus giggled and got up, Naruto running out of Virgil’s room. Janus and Virgil shared looks with each other and sighed, Janus lying back down next to Virgil.

“What’s the worst …. can happen, with you and Lo? Right now, they’re single. We both know that with the way it’s going with Ro and Patton, it won’t be like that for long. Take it from someone who knows, Virge. If … don’t tell them, … heart will be damaged when you see them in a relationship. I don’t want you to go through the same thing I did.”

“I’m just scared, Jan. What if I’m not enough for them? I mean, I’m still an emo nightmare. I’m a mess. Patton and Roman, they’re both amazing. They have flaws, sure, but not as many as I do… Why are you looking at me like you want to kill me?”

“As Patton says, if you don’t stop talking bad about yourself, I’m going to physically fight you. No-one talks … my brother like that, you know? I mean, you have a heart on the hand, for one. You are undeniably sweet, for two. Don’t look at me like that, Virge. …… afraid to fight if it means the rest of us go unharmed. Whilst I don’t like it, I appreciate the sentiment. You can hold … own in a debate, you’re pretty extra at …, and not to mention, you’re an amazing cook. You’re … the perfect boyfriend for Lo and the others.”

“You think so?”

“Of course. You forget that Ro and I have weekly self-care sessions. When they’re not waxing poetry about Patton and Lo, …… about …. ideal boyfriend. It’s literally you.”

Virgil blushed.

“Ok. I’ll talk to Lo about my feelings. But no promises. Don’t let Remus or Emile plan our wedding just yet.”

Janus grinned.

“Honey, we both ……I’ll be the … planning the wedding. I refuse to be anything other than the maid of honour, you understand?”

“Dude, we’re literally 17.”

“Age is … a number.”

“… a prison cell is just a room!” Remus screeched, running into the room. His clothes were ripped and his hair messy.

“Remus, what the fuck did you do now?”

“Let’s just say ……… doesn’t work anymore. Sorry.”

**--**

 _I'm not giving up, n_ _ot gonna run_

_I'll be there when you need me_

It started with a letter. It seemed that whenever Anton- Virgil no longer called him dad anymore- wanted to get in contact, it was always in a letter. He was so extra and Virgil hated it. He hated that he shared a characteristic with that man.

Sighing, Virgil opened the letter. It was handwritten, loops and patterns drawing Virgil’s eyes. It was beautiful and it made Virgil’s stomach curl. The words themselves weren’t much better. There was no apology for what he did, shoving the blame onto either Virgil or his Mama or Janus or Larry, and then he had the audacity to ask him to summer as a babysitter, since he had a little sister now. Virgil’s hands shook and he breathed heavily, trying hard not to break down into tears.

This man was the main reason Virgil struggled with his mental health. He wasn’t allowed to just waltz back into his life with no warning. But he was his father. One of his only living kin left. And he had a little sister to think about.

Did he want to think about the little sister though? Anton named her Marisol after Rae, as if naming a child would fill the Lupita-sized hole she left when she died. He attached a photo with the letter too, and she did look a little like Rae, but only because they both had the same coloured eyes, hair, nose, skin colour… Who was Virgil kidding? It was like looking into a photograph of Rae when she was three- Anton didn’t tell anyone about Marisol for three years, fucking asshole- and part of Virgil wanted nothing but to be there to hold her. To be a big brother to her. To take the chance he got to protect another sister.

But if he did that, was he overlooking the family he already had? Jan had become an older brother figure, relentlessly teasing but always there when he needed him. Remus had become a bit of the same, doubling as a surprising therapist when the thoughts got too loud. Pops- Virgil was secretly calling Larry that in his head, but didn’t want to tell anyone- was so much better to Mama that Anton ever was, and so much kinder to Jan and himself too. Remy and Emile were like cousins at this point, not as close to him as his brothers but still there when he needed them. His other friends- he had multiple friends now, could you believe?- were just as close to him and he loved it. He had never been closer to Valerie, Quil, Missy and Perce before… everything and it made him so happy. Spending time with them was like getting a little bit of Rae back.

And not to mention, Lo, Roman and Patton were around a lot too, but the less said about that the better.

“Virge, I heard crying. You o- who does Remus have … kill?”

“Yeah, you name them … I’ll fuck them up.”

Virgil laughed wetly and then proceeded to break into tears. Jan walked over to him and sat down on the bed, wrapping his arms around him. Remus did the same, before seeing the letter in his lap.

“Can I?”

Virgil nodded. Remus began to read the letter and blinked, passing it on to Jan when finished.

“If someone doesn’t stop …, I’m going to kill … fucker myself.”

Virgil and Remus shared a look with each other before tackling Jan to the floor. Virgil ran to stop him from reaching the door, slamming it and pulling a chair to it. He turned back to see Remus sat on his brother’s back, poking him repeatedly.

“Don’t do you do it, …………, don’t you do it.”

Virgil sat down next to Remus, Jan groaning in pain.

“I never thought I’d say this, but Re’s right. You can’t go and kill Anton, Jan.”

“……….”

“What did he say?”

“Fucking watch me.”

“Thanks. Look, Jan. I get it. You’re doing the whole protective brother thing and I appreciate it. I do. I just… I don’t want to retaliate because there’s no point. I want to see Marisol but the idea of stay with them is horrible… Why are you both glaring at me?”

“There’s … point? The dick implied you … worthless because you’re deaf and said- in no uncertain terms- that you’ve finally got a second chance to be a good brother …… should be thanking him because of it. If it wasn’t murder, I’d hang him by his spine.”

“You didn’t care about it being murder when you threatened to gag me with my own spinal chord.”

“One, that’s different. You’re my friend. Two, you were speaking bad … yourself. Three, that was two years ago, Virgey. How the fuck do … remember that?”

Virgil shrugged.

“I just do.”

“As much …… bonding moment is nice, could you …………? You’re breaking my back.”

“As long as you promise not to kill Anton.”

“I promise nothing.”

Virgil and Remus shared a look before flopping onto Jan completely, Remus lying on Virgil’s chest.

“We’ll just have to keep you prisoner then.”

“… I regret ever letting you two become friends.”

**Author's Note:**

> So this leads us nicely to the next part of this series. I've got plans and there will be angst (warning you now), but there will also be fluff and happy endings too (hopefully).


End file.
